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Shit happpens and it sucks.


I absolutely refuse to hate my life but in light of recent events, I really want to. I have a little thing called hyper androgyny. Which hey being a woman with too much testosterone can’t be all that bad right? Nope, I have now gotten diabetes gained way to much weight and have neuropathy in my heart and my autonomic nerve And in lamens terms, I’m screwed. I have so many problems mentally and physically doctors don’t want to touch me. I tried getting help before it got this bad and was told I was just fat. So, I persisted and got known for being a hypochondriac, on top of all this I have a thyroid problem and autoimmune disease, and at a whopping 390 pounds I can barely do anything. I have bulimia so you can imagine my shock as over the past two years I gained close to three hundred pounds and my horror when the doctor said morbidly obese. I was so ashamed of myself.  I tried exercising until my feet bled literally I tried diet and starving myself I tried puking up everything my family made me eat. Nothing worked, and now I’m stuck, and all this is a testimony to how sucky our health care system is. I went to about 20 or so doctors in my area and finally found 1 good one who took the time to actually look at me properly. As well, I tell doctors this and they get this look like oh man this girl’s bonkers. I’m not bonkers I’m pissed and in pain. Physically and emotionally. I hope anyone in my situation has better luck because I got branded a hypochondriac they almost missed my gallstones and tried to tell me it was the flu six times in one year. Wouldn’t even run a test. Plase be careful guys, sometimes you know what’s wrong more than any doctor can diagnose. Also to top it off after the gallbladder surgery I tried to tell my primary care I kept throwing up and the pushed it off two years after I was throwing up 3 times a day and having to take supplements, and could barely get outta bed, guess what I have 30 food allergies for some godforsaken reason and asthma and 42 environmental allergies according skin and blood tests. What am I going wrong? If you have any advice let me know.

Asmr and why you should watch it.


Why should you watch asmr?

Asmr is a revolutionary movement.  Asmr stands for autonomous meridian sensory response.

It reduces stress

Helps you sleep

Relieves anxiety

and can help teach you a variety of skills . Asmr is a type of video or audio clip.  These videos range from, helping you cook to drawing,  and doing make up or learning a new language

How these videos help you relax is that they are whispered and softly spoken as well and made to be relaxing from the wording to the subject matter.  They even have comforting friend roleplay videos to help with relaxation. Asmr is a very relaxing and beneficial thing for it gives you time and space and love you deserve.

According to Vice.com Asmr gives you a pleasurable feeling and can have something akin to a pleasure seizure while watching these videos where a large amount of dopamine is released. According to Yahoo.com in 2008 is when Asmr really took off and was started to be understood by a group called The Society of Sensationalist.

Asmr is very important I use it everyday to find peace of mind and relaxation, it is a easy and free way to care for yourself and show self love and comfort to yourself.

I find asmr to be a vital resource for personal growth as well, from learning languages in a soothing environment online to learning how to cook new dishes or do your make up. It can offer you a variety of new and innovative ways to do things all while lowering your stress levels.

You can watch and access asmr online on YouTube and many other sites for free these peaople who make asmr are called asmr artist and often times are triggered to have dopamine surges by the videos themselves.

Asmrhas a very calm and relaxed community in which you can dicuss your favorite triggers and how to develop new ideas for videos and how to increase your relaxation watching them.

Asmr uses what people call triggers, triggers are items such as crinkly plastic such as what I have in my hand to make gentle crinkling noises.

Another trigger is brushes so they can brush the camera they use regular paint brushes to trigger you, as well as I previously mentioned softly spoken words.

They can also use foods or clicking noses. Or even rubber gloves if it is a medical roleplay

It is a wonderful my favorite asmr artist is GentleWhispering.

Please go take a look at it it is a wonderful way to pass time.

Working with a Mental Disability.


Hey everyone, so today I want to talk about a topic close to my heart working with a mental disability. So, I am a fully capable and functioning person, with a mental disability. It is hard for me to handle any job long term, now I come off confident and capable but long term this is hard to do especially when you miss a lot of days from work and that anxiety creeps in. So, I’ve been looking into self help books to be able to work on this and progress myself to be able to work  a job long term. If anyone has any good references please leave them in the comments section. Lets have a discussion about this.